Tornado

Wednesday, Oct. 21, 2009

9:19 a.m.

I would like the world to know that I’m having a fucking nervous breakdown. Life has not been fun. I’ve been depressed again, and I’m thinking I need to up the dosage on the happy pills. I just had to withdraw from my English class yesterday because I couldn’t write the damn 7 page paper on Chaucer and sex. I mean, that should be really easy, but I just couldn’t figure out my stance on it.

And I’m tired. Sunday night I couldn’t sleep. It was at least 3 before I passed out, and I remember seeing 4:45 and 6:15. So Monday night I took some Tylenol PM to make sure I fell asleep quickly. Boy, was it lovely. The whole next morning was painless. I felt numb all over, no feelings in body or mind. And it scares me that I enjoyed that numbness so much.

And my boobs hurt. Since I ran out of birth control pills, I’ve just decided to see what happens, and I forgot how bad PMS could get. Especially the hurting boobs part. And of course, something always seems to brush up against them ALL day long, and they’re just constantly hurting. Bah.

I feel like I’m in the center of a tornado. Everything around me is swirling madly, and closing in on me. Everything is confusing. I feel like everything is out of control and spinning around me so fast that I can’t grab onto anything to make it stop and put it in order. And the tornado keeps getting bigger and bigger and more things are added to it and I can’t catch any of it. The harder I try, the more things get added until the whole tornado implodes on me, and I’ll be left a useless sobbing disgusting lump of flesh surrounded by disaster.

At work, I’ve been trying to get caught up. I have a pile of stuff that needs to be done, and I start working on it, and next thing I know, I’ve had five people in my office giving me more. I’m trying, I really am trying, but I can’t get ahead. And I’m so stressed. I wanted to cry all day yesterday. Actually, I think I did. I remember wiping my eyes a few times while I was working. I have a feeling today is going to be more of the same.

I’ve fallen so far behind in my history class. I have a paper due on Friday, and a midterm on Tuesday. I need to read about five chapters. I’ve skipped class way too many times. It’s a horrible time slot for me, 1-2:15, right in the middle of my workday. I’d prefer a class that started at 5 or 5:30.

I’m so stressed. I’m depressed. I’ll probably be self destructing sometime this week. We shall see. With luck I can hold it in until the weekend, and then turn into a vegetable. Except I have to study. Sigh. At least I only have one class to worry about now, and that’s the easier one. I so need a break. A really LONG break.

Comments? (1 comments)

PMS Tracker: Sore boobs. Mucus
What I am Reading: Ummm... I don't know. Listening to something but don't know author or title
Guild Wars Stuff: Kongregate- Gemcraft, Sorority Life, a tad bit of Sims 3

Comments:
Erianne - 2009-10-26 22:29:34
Sounds like you and I are in similar places right now...*sigh*. I wish there was something I could do to help. Know that I'm thinking about you. *hugs*
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