Mood swings

Saturday, May. 10, 2008

10:00 p.m.

I'm still having mood issues today. At present, I'm crying a little bit. That would probably be because of the book I just finished reading.

Chaosdaily mentioned the book On the Beach, and I picked it up at the library. I started reading it last night, and pretty much rarely put it down until just now. I think I cried through the last thirty or so pages. Excellent story. A bit depressing though. I can't imagine what it must have been like, to know that you're going to die, and not be able to do anything about it. Okay well, everyone IS going to die sooner or later, and there's nothing we can do about it, but the human race will at least continue on, and it's not like every one goes all at once.

So yeah, that got me crying, and now that I'm in a crying mood, it just keeps trickling out.

I woke up screaming last night. Woke poor Ed too, no surprise. More bad dreams. I remember three adorable kittens, that somehow followed us home from Atlanta. I wanted to adopt them, but couldn't for some reason. Then family members started showing up at my house and staying. At one point, I had locked them out or something, I don't know, but my parents felt they had to enter the house through the bathroom window over the tub while Ed was in the shower and I was just about ready to get in with him. I think that might have been when I screamed. I was just so frustrated because I didn't want them there.

Ed thinks I've been under a lot of stress. I guess I have. I have a final on Monday, but I haven't studied for it yet. I'm probably just going to take an hour or three tomorrow to deal with it, after we get back from his Mom's place. Don't let me forget to call my mother.

I'm just so emotional, I guess. It's probably PMS considering how badly my boobs hurt. Even though I've already been bleeding. It's pretty light though. And my mind feels very odd. I'm having a hard time concentrating, and thinking, and making plans. So, perhaps it is PMS.

I think I'm going to go back and play Oblivion for awhile. The tears are mostly gone. I do feel a little on edge though. I'm sure it'll get better soon. If I go a few more weeks like this, maybe I'll experiment with the happy pills and up the dosage. I definitely will if I find that I can't have my happy moments. But for now, I still feel mostly at right with the world.

Oh, and my house got sold. You know, that beautiful one with the french doors in the dining room, leading out to the sunroom? And the beautiful flowers and all? It's no longer showing up on the web. I'm so disappointed. I guess I kind of thought it would be there waiting for me. I loved that house.

I want to go antiquing, if that's a word. I want to see old things, of every variety. To me, it would be new, not the same junk you can find in any store, mass produced, and tens of thousands or more of other people have the same thing. I'm tired of seeing the same old shit everywhere. I want new and exciting things. Maybe someday we can go to an auction or an antique store/mall/whatever type place.

Maybe I'll do some research on that instead of playing Oblivion. Maybe I'll do both.

Comments? (2 comments)

PMS Tracker: Moody, bleeding, boobs sore
What I am Reading: Just finished On the Beach. really good.
Guild Wars Stuff: Played Oblivion for a few hours. Assassinated some vampire hunters, and am looking for the cure now.

Comments:
boXx - 2008-05-11 00:34:23
congratulations on your effort to lose weight. I wouldn't mind knowing the exact day of my death. I'd do a few things differently, like enjoying every minute and nit wasting even one of them. Life is too short.
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chaos the javelina hunter - 2008-05-11 09:34:02
Yeah, On the Beach was kind of depressing.... must have been interesting to write though.
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